Introduction to a Future Doctor
Hello, everybody! Image Information: A picture of my family! From left to right: Will, Jennifer, Alan, Jake (me), and Cole; personal photo from October 2016. Current Education My name is Jake Bardell, and I am in my last semester of undergrad at OU. My major is Religious Studies, but I am also on the pre-medical track. This may seem an unlikely combination, but it has actually worked out incredibly well! This focus on studying religions has afforded me a variety of benefits, including a firmer foundation for my belief in Jesus, a greater understanding of world religions, and also the ability to more effectively understand future patients. I have enjoyed my time at OU and in Norman, not only because of what I have studied but particularly because of the relationships I have formed throughout college. Future Education After I complete my degree, I hope to attend medical school! I am still completing secondary applications, but I have several schools in mind. I think my...
Hey Jake,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a very good job and gave the readers a clear idea of what your storybook is going to be about. I think that you spent a lot of time on details of Hook and his looks but didn’t give us a lot of who would actually be telling the stories. I think you should add some details on the narrator and also maybe describe who Peter Pan and the other characters mentioned are. I think also spending some time to describe Neverland so the reader can really picture where you are at and what they are talking about in the interview. You clearly have a knack for details and so spreading that around all aspects of your story will make it even better. Other than that and the one grammatical error that I listed below, you did a great job!
“His face rested on his firm jaw,” – You forgot the him in that sentence.
Hello Jake,
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job creating a hook in your introduction. I love story that somehow expose the purpose of the villain (sorta like Maleficient) and what make them become who they are. The details you use when describing Captain Hook is great. Your vocabularies flow really nice within the sentence as well. It is also interesting that the introduction is sorta like an interview. I have some questions however. For example, how did the interviewer gets in touch with Captain Hook? What is the current setting and where the interview takes place? Though there is a conflict that was shown here, I am still curious how this story will go. Will it be a flashback or a story told by Captain Hook? If so, sometimes, switching from the interviewer's point of view and Captain Hook's point of view can be a bit confusing. However, you did a great job writing this introduction and how Peter Pans is sorta like the villain here. I also like the pictures you use on your website because they complement the story very well. Looking forward to read more from you! Good luck!
Hi Jake, what a great start to for the introduction for your storybook! I love that you chose a classic and familiar story to change up in your own way. It makes me and the other readers intrigued right from the start. You do a great job of using descriptive words, which in my opinion, is important because it allows the reader to feel, think, and visualize as you are. I love also that you create the character of Peter Pan to be the villain in this plot. It is certainly quite a way to change up the traditional way of thinking about this story, since it is now coming from the guy who is made out to be the villain in the original. I like that you incorporate this third character as "you" the audience. It makes the story very relatable. The ending of your intro is especially great because you can tell that a great tale is about to be told and it leaves the audience excited to come back next time and read the rest!
ReplyDeleteHey Jake!! Super nice to meet ya! First off, I love it!!!! I mean your writing style is excellent. When you were describing Captain Hook, I could visualize exactly what he looked like. I could see you worked hard on your verbiage, and your use of imagery really worked. It is known right from the get-go how your particular storybook is going to go, in terms of what you are trying to narrate. It's like we are watching a late night dateline! Haha. But anyway, the only thing I can see that I could make a suggestion on, is a background page. At the top of your introduction page, you put in italics a brief background of the story. That is something that I feel like you could put in it's own page. For my own personal story, I created a 'welcome to my story' page, where I wasn't any type of character, I just wrote from me. It was kind of like an author's note! But like I said, that is just something I did on my own, and noticed on other pages, which I think is a really neat feature for readers coming in for the first time to a new story, to be able to brief themselves before they dive in! Happy Writing!
ReplyDeleteHi Jake!
ReplyDeleteThe introduction to your storybook was fantastic! It was well written and gave the reader a clear introduction into what it is going to be about without giving much away. Your description of Captain Hook was detailed without being extraneous. I was able to visualize the character perfectly, and the little touches about his appearance and his clothing told me a lot about who he is as a person. I always enjoy stories that are told from the villain's perspective. Sometimes it's too easy to think of the 'bad guy' as very one dimensional. However, that is never the case. No one is the villain in their own story. Turning it around to show how sometimes the villain is really the hero brings that home. I like the pictures that you included to illustrate your story, and your page was very clean and organized. It was easy to navigate. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of this story!
ReplyDeleteHello, Jake.
Let me start out this post by saying I love your topic. We see a lot of fairy tales re-told nowadays, but Peter Pan is one that I have not seen. I really enjoyed how you explained the point of view, this grabbed my attention in a new way which is really refreshing. Your approach to telling the story was very unique. It reminds me of “Interview with a Vampire”. As a reader, I found myself very interested wanting a lot of detail to explain what was going on in the story. I found myself asking questions such as “How do you get appointed protector of Neverland”? I wonder how Peter Pan, the very embodiment of childhood could possibly be the villain in this story. I really look forward to seeing how you handle these problems as your storybook develops. Again you did a wonderful job on this introduction.
I love the concept of this story! I really have always enjoyed the “villain-perspective” type of stories and how they flip the script on what we assume about these well known stories. Its interesting to consider what was happening on the other side of fairy tale struggles. I like the idea of making Peter Pan the villain, or at least not what he seems to be. I’m very excited to see where you take this story and how we see your version of Captain Hook develop throughout the stories! And I’m also curious to see if you have him losing his hand because of the crocodile like in the original story, because I think there’s a few ways you could use that storyline and make it really interesting! I look forward to reading the rest of your stories as this project goes on and seeing where you take this plot!
ReplyDeleteHi Jake! First of all, the design of your page is great — even your home page is engaging and the description made me really want to read your story. Your actual story and setup are equally well done and fascinating — stories from the villain's perspective are usually interesting, and you create a really vivid and thorough character in Captain Hook. One thing I found slightly confusing was the shift from the intro to the first story from Hook's perspective to Peter Pan's perspective. The beginning of the story was interesting, but seemed to defeat the purpose of Hook being the one to tell the true story. I also wondered about Peter's motives — he wants control of the island, but for what? Is he simply driven by power, or is there something deeper? Other than those points, I think your project is the best I've read — looking forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteHi Jake!
ReplyDeleteI am a huge fan of your topic! As a child I loved Peter Pan, and I ready many books that were based off the original story, and my favorite movie was Hook with Robin Williams! I am glad that you chosen this theme, and cannot wait to see what else you right!
Your introduction is fabulous, I am glad that you are writing from the villain's prospective. This provides us with a whole new take on the story! Your choice of words is incredible and add a lot to your writing. This plot has a lot of potential, and I am excited to see where you take it. I wonder how Windy and all the other lost boys will come into play? Are you still planning on using Captain Hook's assistant, Mr. Smee? Regardless, I am eagerly awaiting to see what else you publish!
Hi Jake!
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful. I love the idea of letting the villain of such a well-known story tell his side of things and surprise the reader. Your tone in both the introduction and the first story is great: serious and a little mysterious. You built tension in the introduction very well; I like that you didn't give away Peter's flaws until the end, and even then you left the reader with plenty of questions. You revealed just enough to spur me on to your first story with great excitement! Also, I think you have a great mix of dialogue and description. The descriptive text flows nicely, while the dialogue is lively and easy to read. It's difficult to give "feed-forward" because I really didn't have any complaints while reading your Storybook, but there are a few little things in the first story that you could look at when you revise. First, maybe you could be a little more descriptive about what Wendy sees when they get near Neverland. What does Neverland look like from afar? What was so interesting about what Wendy saw that she pointed it out and asked Peter what it was? Next, when you switch from Peter and the children's perspective to Captain Hook's perspective, it might be helpful to either include a couple dashes (--) before the picture or use an identifying name ("Hook and his crew" or something) instead of "their" in the first sentence of Hook's perspective. I say that because Hook's perspective was a little confusing at first since I didn't feel like there was much of a break between the two parts and I thought the story was still from the children's perspective at first. The only other thing is the lines "Captain James Hook was the protector..." through "...stood in his way. Captain James Hook." I like the ending of those lines, and I think that ending would be more powerful if you didn't start that first sentence with "Captain James Hook." Maybe instead you could say "Peter often attempted to convince everyone that he was the protector of Neverland" and then continue with what you already have. That way, when you state Captain Hook's name as a sentence, it is a bit more powerful. Sorry for the really long comment, wow. Your Storybook is very easy to get into, as you can see!
Hello Jake.
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea of you telling the story from Hook's perspective. The introduction definitely pulled me in and me want to read further. The fact that you actually used yourself as the narrator of the story surprised me and was a smart idea. It will help the reader relate to someone in the stories, although these characters are known, you are telling a different story and that helps. I read the first story a few times and it was really well thought out but there is something that keeps bothering me. The transition from Hook talking to Smee on deck and then going into the narrative about the battle for Neverland. I don't know if it is the sentence before or what but something seems off about it. Other than that I am really looking forward to the rest of this story if you continue to tell it. As an adult one can actually see Pan being the actual villain of this tale.
Hi Jake.
ReplyDeleteYour storybook idea in general is wonderful! I haven't seen anything like this so far so it's definitely a different topic. I love the stories of Peter Pan and your twist definitely gives it a new perspective. I would never have imagined for the roles of good and evil to be switched with those characters. I had to re-read a couple of sentences when you referred to him as James, because he's famously known as Captain Hook. Maybe you could include the captain part just to prevent confusion from new readers. I wonder if you will tell of him losing his hand, and in your version it will be Peter's fault. How did Captain Hook realize Peter had bad intentions? Have the kids always portrayed Captain Hook as a villain, or did Peter basically brainwash everyone? I'm excited to see the different stories you will tell, and I'm ready to see how the truth will be uncovered.
Hey Jake,
ReplyDeleteI was drawn to your project because it was over Peter Pan, my favorite childhood film. I would like to say Tinkerbell was my favorite character though, and that I always thought Peter Pan did not treat her right in the Disney movie. In the introduction, it is a bit confusing when the story goes from explaining who the interviewer is to the actual interview. Even though it is italicized, maybe creating some space between the two would help readers know that the interview of James Hook is starting. The beginning interview of James Hook is great and I enjoyed the surprise of Peter Pan trying to take control of children’s minds. In the second story, The Arrival In Neverland, I couldn’t tell till the end that the story was being told from the perspective of James Hook. Maybe having a small dialogue of James Hook and the interviewer asking questions could start off the retelling of how the Darling Kids arrived in Neverland. This project has become one of my favorites and you are doing a great job of changing the character dynamic. Great story, I cannot wait to read the future installments in the storybook project.
Hi Jake!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, let me say that you got my attention with the title itself. Being familiar with Peter Pan, I immediately got excited to read your story. Also, the layout is amazing. You made everything look very whimsical and, well, Peter Pan-ish!
After reading you're first story, all I can say is WOW! You put an amazing twist on this original tale that was brilliant and made so much sense. You did a great job of building up your characters and clearing up thoughts in reader's minds that are relating to the original story.
I think it would be awesome if you included some dialogue from the children just to clarify whether they are catching on to Peter's true intentions or not.
I look forward to reading more of your storybook in the future. I think anyone that landed on your story can agree that you have done a spectacular job thus far and have us Peter Pan fanatics on the edge of our seats!
Hi there Jake!
ReplyDeleteWell I am glad the randomizer brought me back to your story! After being brought to your story in the first few weeks of class, I was excited to come back and read what you had added. I remember your introduction being very captivating, so I was interested to see where it would go.
Your story, "Return to Neverland," is just as well written as your introduction, so I think your writing consistency is a major plus. I could follow the story fairly easily. I think anyone who has had a slight background with the original peter pan could follow with you.
The only thing that tripped me up, was I did not see where James Hook fit into the first story. I remember in the introduction how it sounded like James Hook would be telling all the stories from his perspective. You did explain it well in the author's note, but it wasn't something that I as the reader could infer.
Other than that great writing style! Happy Writing :)
Hi Jake,
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I have been to your page, and I am very impressed. You have gotten off to a great start to your project so far. I really like the layout of your page. It is simple, but very cool. I think you might have the coolest head cover photo I have seen in this class. Seeing the ships sailing through the fog at a distance got me really excited to read your stories. I also like the Peter Pan theme that you chose. It makes the reading more relevant to the reader than a random name from an Indian Epic. Your first story had a really great twist to it. I like how you were able to take the original story and turn it into something surprising like that. Good job on a great start to your project, and I am looking forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
Brooks
Jake, I'm so impressed with your storybook so far! Your writing style is excellent, and it's easy to read especially because so many people are familiar with the story of Peter Pan. In your introduction, I was really impressed with the pacing of the story and the level of detail you used. Especially in this paragraph: "I blinked. Instead of flesh-colored fingers, his arm simply ended with flesh. It rounded off. Incomplete, vulnerable." There's such a vivid image your words create — that's awesome. One thing I really appreciated about your first story is how much dialogue you used to drive the story forward. It made things easy to read and also very gripping. Your photos, too, were placed at helpful parts of the story to help the reader! In your second story, I love how you use the italicized text to show a look into Wendy's inner dialogue. Awesome work, keep it up. Can't wait to read more from you!
ReplyDeleteJake, I just read your introduction and first two Storybook stories. I liked that in your introduction, the narrator is also the audience. This is a completely new perspective to take, and I think that it will make the reader feel closer to the story this way. It was also such a good idea to write on the story of Peter Pan, as we all remember the basic plot and characters, and to change it completely. Making Peter Pan, the original savior of Neverland, out to be the bad guy means that your reader will have absolutely no idea what to expect from the story. As Captain Hook has always clearly been the bad guy, we don't know how he will save the imagination of the island. Your pictures are great and well-placed, and I would just suggest making a few of them smaller because they are blown up too big and the image is unclear. I would also turn the text into more substantial paragraphs as the separated format is a bit off-putting. For example, when you introduce Smee and Captain Hook, a lot of those sentences can be combined to create a bigger paragraph. Good job on your project!
ReplyDeleteHey Jake! Just ready your introduction and first two stories. I really like the Wicked approach to Peter Pan. Pan is one of my favorite stories, and there have been many rendition's that actually depict him as the villain. I really like that you made Hook the good guy because even now looking back on the Disney movie, yes he was a pirate but he still was not a bad guy beyond just hating Peter. All of your pictures work so well with the story and where you put them in the story. I like the interview aspect of your story that someone is sitting down with Hook after everything happened showing, I am taking that as a foreshadow that even in this story, Hook lost and is now seen by the public as the villain. Yet, your narrator/interviewer is seeking the full story from him.
ReplyDeleteJake,
ReplyDeleteI am so excited for this Storybook! Peter Pan is one of my favorite fairy tales, and I always love when people put their own spin on original stories like this. For example, one of my favorite series is called “Dorothy Must Die,” and it’s about Oz after Dorothy comes back and is now evil. Kind of like your story, but the protagonist becomes evil, rather than the villain becomes a hero. Or at least an antihero. Onto your Storybook. Your dialogue is really good, and I like that it sounds like people are actually speaking. A lot of people who write make dialogue into the way that they would write it down, rather than say it aloud, and it makes it unrealistic. You make it relatable and it flows nicely! Your pictures, also, are really helpful. It provides your readers with a clear image of what the setting is supposed to look like. I’m super excited to see where you are going to go with the rest of this, so I’ll be sure to come back!
Hi Jake! I just read your storybook collection and I thoroughly enjoyed it! You automatically grabbed my attention with your title because who doesn't love a little Peter Pan?! You did a really great job, too, of explaining things in detail and making it really easy for the reader to visualize what is going on as if they were actually there! I also loved your pictures and just the overall visual appeal of your sight. It added a lot to it without being too distracting. The only thing that was a little bit confusing at first was the narrative perspective. For some reason, at first, I could not tell exactly who was speaking but once I caught on to that I was hooked. I can't wait to come back and read more of your storybook one last time as we begin wrapping up this semester!
ReplyDeleteHey there Jake. I just started reading over your storybook and I really enjoy your writing style. There is so much detail, one can almost paint a picture in their head, hearing and smelling the scene at hand. This is refreshing for me because I am always surrounded by peer reviewed articles that are always so dry and to the point, I guess this is why my writing style may reflect this. I think you did a good job describing Hook physically but I found myself longing for more. Maybe a better look into his mentality. I really liked your use of ending a story that leads into the next so nicely. The use of pictures was well done and their placement was nice. I think that the last story may have been able to be mixed in with the second story, but I have not read all you have yet as you still have another story to add so maybe it'll make more sense then! Overall good job of creating something new and fun. It was a nice read!
ReplyDelete• Hey Jake, I was really enjoyed your project the first time I read it and wanted to come back to it to see the new stories you have added on! I have already read the Introduction and The Arrival in Neverland, so I am only going to give comment and feedback on the last two additions to the project. In the story, Race to the Hideout, I enjoyed the character development of Captain Hook. The fact that Captain Hook hopes that Peter can be changed for the better shows that his character is optimistic making him into a more positive character. In the last story, The Return to the Jolly Roger, I really enjoyed the foreshadowing into the final chapter of the project. It seems that everyone is on board for trying to help Peter with his corruption, and hopefully they are able to help. I am curious how Tink feels about Peter corruption. It seems in every story Tink has helped Peter, could she possible be the lead master mind to Peter corruption? Great project, I cannot wait to come back and read the final story!
ReplyDeleteHi Jake!
ReplyDeleteYour project is continuing to come along nicely. The last time I checked in, I had only read your introduction and first story if I remember right. I re-read them all and it seems like you have changed them a bit as well. I like how your stories are unfolding and starting to reveal the true intentions of your characters. I was wondering how Captain Hook was going to convince the children of the truth, and it was finally revealed. I assume your last story will reveal everything, and perhaps there will be a big struggle for power between Peter and Captain Hook. Is Tinker Bell in agreement with Peter's decisions? It seems like she is the only person that Peter confides in so maybe she will be the one to stir up trouble later on, or maybe she will remain loyal to him. I like how you included the story of Hook losing his hand and why he and Peter are enemies. I'm excited to read the ending!
Hello Jake! The second story is such a fresh look on the classic story. I am a big fan of changing stories to make them fresh. I loved the flashback to where Captain Hook lost his hand to Peter. The subtle change with the crocodile was so simple but makes that portion. People are used to him having fear of the crocodile and you made it where he is disgusted as it is a reminder, amazing. The portions of the story that take place in the current time seemed a little dry actually. The ending felt rushed but I can understand with the word count of having to probably cut things out. You maybe could have hinted at what Tinker Bell was saying to Peter, was it something to give him more of a sense of urgency or something that had nothing to do with the children at all? Other than those few things you are doing an extraordinary job and I look forward to finishing your stories.
ReplyDeleteHi Jake!
ReplyDeleteI read your arrival in never land story and the first thing that caught my eye were all the cool pictures you used for the story! It really helped make it come alive while reading it. Your page looks really good and all the stories are fitting so well!
The dialogue you used in the story was really well done and enjoyable to read. The story was fast pace and really entertaining! I am glad you included some scenes from the original peter pan story to keep the two tied together.
Great authors note! It provided enough information to understand the inspiration for this story when I have not read the original story myself. It provided an excellent break down of the synopses of the story. Great job! Look forward to reading more!
Hi Jake! I love your project so far! Your intro really sets up what the whole project will be about and it is so organized! Great job! I really appreciated your use of pictures as well, it really added to your stories to be able to visualize exactly what you meant. I really liked that you kept a lot of original stuff in your retelling because it really rooted the story and made it easier to appreciate the changes you made! I especially liked the flashbacks - particularly to how captain hook lost his hand - because it really added a lot of depth to the story. I also like that all the stories go together when it would have been so easy to just tell four separate ones! Keep up the great work - and happy graduation!
ReplyDeleteI was so hoping that someone would dare to write stories based off of a story similar to Disney's. Though this is true, your story seems a little too similar to that of Disney's Peter Pan. Instead of "revisited", it seems more "reworded". I do see the part where you rewrote Captain Hook's narrative. This is a nice addition, and I enjoyed him as a protagonist much more than I did when he was just a silly antagonist. The picture in your third story is a great attention grabber, and I believe it adds to this story nicely. The Peter Pan songs are so happy, I think in your next project revision for your extra assignment you should input YouTube music. It is actually much easier than I thought it would be and will not take more than fifteen minutes. You could put a regular song into the first story. Then as the stories get more and more your own, you can search for other songs that remind you of their theme.
ReplyDeleteHello Jake!
ReplyDeleteI finished reading your story, as usual it was amazing! Even though it is basically reworded from the original I have truly enjoyed it. The point of view from James Hook is refreshing to a story most people know and the twist that Peter is the villain is a good one. If the Great Battle was the last story you are going to write I would maybe tell some more about what has truly corrupted Peter, some more about Tink and possibly how long this cycle has been going on. There are so many possibilities you could explore now that has come to the end of the original and you can make it stand out as your own. I have been a fan of the story since the beginning but the way it ended doesn't due the story justice. Even with the author's note, you need to put some sort of closure since your project is one continuous story.
Hi Jake!
ReplyDeleteI had read the introduction to your storybook before, and I was really excited to see where you'd go with it. You did not disappoint! I love the cyclical nature of the story, the repeating pattern where the end just opens the way for a new beginning. It was brilliantly done. Your descriptions and characterizations were excellent throughout. I sympathized with Hook and hoped that his sacrifices would one day accomplish his dream of saving Peter from himself. One question I did have was about the fairies. You mentioned that Peter had allied himself with the fairies in his quest for power in Neverland. I was curious about the nature of that alliance and the fairies reasoning for it. Were they also duped by Peter, or did they have their own reasons for wanting Peter to have power? You have done an excellent job with making this old and often retold story unique. It was wonderful!
Hey Jake! I am in the Indian Epics class but I took Myth and Folklore last fall. I also did a storybook for my project but mine was over the evil witches in different stories like Snow White and Hansel and Gretel. I decided to read your storybook because I love Peter Pan. Like you said in your home page, Peter pan is well-known and renowned. I love reading retellings about stories that are well known because it's like listening to a remix of your favorite song. I have to say that I was not disappointed! Your titles are interesting and engaging. Your writing is descriptive and well written. I love that you made Peter Pan the villain. Have you seen the show Once Upon A Time? That show is known for making heroes the villains and making the villains have a humane side. They had a season with Peter Pan where he was the villain. Your story reminds me of that show. You did a great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jake!
ReplyDeleteI read your introduction way back when we published them, and your story book really caught my eye. I think it’s such an interesting premise and I think you executed it super well by having it be in the form of an interview of sorts! I’ll focus on the last story because it’s the one you wrote the most recently. I love that Hook is doing this to save Peter, because he believes there is still a chance he can save him. The line about sacrificing himself for Peter was so powerful. I like that Peter let Wendy and her brothers go, so that the reader could see that Hook was right. The battle scene was so vivid and well written too! Overall, I think you did a really great job with this story book from start to finish, and the ending was such a good wrap up!
Hello Jake,
ReplyDeleteI like how you start off with an interview and then go into the story. Changing up the storytelling tactics is a great way to keep the reader on their toes and I thought you did a great job with that. I also love how you incorporate the original story of Peter Pan (even using quotes from the movie!) while putting that darker spin on it! I feel like I'm watching it all happen except now I'm not very trusting of Pan. It's interesting how you allow the pictures to break up the different perspectives in your story. It's a little confusing at first, I think incorporating a symbol or even putting a subtitle before each shift would lessen confusion considerably. I loved the incorporation and the changing of how Hook lost his hand!
I think a little more background on the whole "Peter want's power and control" thing would be really helpful. We don't really know why this is such a big deal for him or even what caused him to be like that. That's the only thing I have a hard time getting behind.
This retelling was fantastic! Great job!
Good luck on your finals!
Hey Jake,
ReplyDeleteYour porftolio caught my eye because I have always loved peter pan growing. I really like how you started out with an interview first for you introduction. That is a very creative way to get people interested and it was very unique compared to other website that I visited throughout the semester. It is so interesting to take a famous original tail and retell it to make your own. In this case you made peter pan a villain I though that was a really great idea. You did a very good job with descriptions and I felt that I could really picture what was going on in my head. I like that kind of writing because I feel as if I can see whats going on and play a little movie as I read. I enjoyed that you kept some things original because I feel it pays tribute to a great story.
Hi, Jake! I was immediately intrigued by the description of your storybook. I really enjoy the concept of popular stories being told from the perspective of the villain, it reminds be of one of my favorites musicals, Twisted, which is based off of Aladdin. So I was excited to read what you had written. The description of Captain Hook was so well done, it was easy to imagine his appearance. The introduction really help set the mood of the rest of the storybook. The first story really helped get an understanding on the James as a protagonist and the Peter manipulates the children with their innocence. I’m glad that you included how James lost his hand in this version, it provided another example that showed the personality of the characters. I like that Wendy got suspicious of Peter, it adds some suspense to the story and it makes you wonder if she’ll figure it out herself. I really liked the ambiguous ending and the fact that James saving Peter is actually a gradual process and it’s not just sudden. It says a lot about the type of protagonist James is. The storybook was really well written, and I enjoyed the idea of it and reading it. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Jake!
ReplyDeleteThe last time I checked in on your story you had only published the introduction. You have done a wonderful job completing the project. For the purposes of commenting, I will focus on your second story The Arrival in Neverland. I liked how you hinted that Peter Pan was using Wendy, Jon, and Michael for something. I look forward to finding out what he is using them for. Your story is riddled with clever hints here and there. This story does such a good job at pulling the reader in. I just wanted to read more. Bravo. I can not wait to find out what the “alliance of the fairies” means. Is Pan using Tinkerbell? Or is Tinkerbell evil too? I really hope she is not evil, but also think it would be a wonderful plot point to explore. Again, I really can not wait to read more. Enjoy your break!